July 11, 2011

Wedding favors

Once upon a while, when I was a wee engineering student hiding from my numerical methods or differential equations homework/project/exam approximately 5-7 years ago, I use to cruise the internets for diverting distractions. One such internets cruising sessions led me to look up wedding favors. Why? I don’t know, I didn’t have a boyfriend or fiancee or husband (although what would the point of wedding favors be if I had a husband but anywayz), I just liked looking at the random kitschy stuff people were selling online for chumps like me to purchase with my monopoly money.

And then I found it, the perfect wedding favor for an engineering chick like me – utilitarian but room for sappy love stuff to be imprinted or stuck on with a sticker (SCORE! I LOVE stickers). No jordan almonds in useless lace bags for me, no sir. Or wedding cake shaped candles or ceramic figurines – what are you supposed to do with those? Moving along, for some insane reason, I thought it was a good idea to share my idea with my younger sister. Sigh, younger sisters. No, this isn’t a whiny story about how my younger sister stole my wedding favor idea. She looked at me like I was nuts, like a good younger sister can do, and then promptly forgot about it, trotting out the info to embarrass me during choice occassions.

Now, I’m not married. “Still?????” is the question I get from many, as I recently turned 26 and have now expired on the desi/muslim marriage market [muah ha ha ha ha ha ha]. There is no groom nor prospect in sight. However, my sister starts hassling me yesterday because the wedding favor I wanted is now on sale. For less than $1/item. I don’t know how or why she knows this but she does. So she wants to order 200 wedding favors pronto because they’re on sale. Yessssssssssssssss….that look of puzzlement, horror and hilarity was my exact reaction as well.

“Tell me again, why are we ordering wedding favors for a wedding that’s not occurring?”

“Becuz they’re $0.89/item now, they’re normally $1.35/item.”

“Um, no.”

“Come on, there’s three options and they’re all the same sale price! Do you want A, B or C?”

“Neither, cuz I’m NOT GETTING MARRIED.”

“Come onnnn, just tell me what you’d prefer.”

“No way, I ain’t paying for this. This is ridiculous.”

“Just tell meeeeeeeeeeeeee….”

“Ugh, just ask Mommy and Daddy. Hopefully they’ll tell you that you’re being ridiculous also.” I’m now all smug, waiting for my sister to get shot down. She comes prancing into my room a little later, with a confused look on her face. And yes, we still refer to our parents as “Mommy” and “Daddy”. Shut up.

“So, Mommy said to get half of A and half of B because women would prefer A and men would prefer B. And she wants to order 200 of each to get 400 in total.”

“WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!” I’m so flabbergasted by the fact that my sister managed to get our mother to buy-in to her ridonkulous idea. Not only that, but to DOUBLE THE ORDER. Reacting like any eldest child will, I slowly but surely meander my way into my parents bedroom and find my mom sorting through what seems like a thousand sari blouses, weeding them out by color and fit. I stroll in there, madd chill, and watch my mom pull out a red corset and thong and ask me to explain the function of those garments. Fun times. Especially the disgust when I explained how a thong is to be worn. Preciousness. We still have no clue where the corset or thong came from but going back TO THE POINT OF THE STORY, I casually say, “So Mom, 400 thingamajigs, huh?” “Yeah, well your sister told me to think about how many people we’re going to invite to your wedding so 400 sounds good.”

FACEPALM. Like, how does this stuff happen? To me? Quite often?

And thus this blog was born, because I have to share this preciousness with the world and my sister would kill me if I told people. So now I can share with all the strangers on the internets instead of our friends. Lolz.



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