August 18, 2011


Filed under: rambling,Work — hijabeng @ 5:08 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

Such a pretty word, isn’t it? A fancified way of describing a case of the doldrums. Sigh, I don’t know what it is. I feel so ungrateful for feeling so blah but I just.don’t.get.it. IDONTGETIT. I have everything, everything a person could ask for in my situation and it means nothing to me. Maybe my life is too materialistic? I don’t know.

I remember a lecture in where Shaykh Yasir Qadhi said during the Q&A session that a true believer, one with true iman (faith/belief) could never be depressed. Their faith was so perfect that depression couldn’t affect them. And hearing that really depressed me. So I convinced myself that I wasn’t depressed because if I was, then I wasn’t a true believer!!! Gasp, horror, sigh. I was so naive. And I think Sh. Yasir Qadhi, someone I have the utmost respect for, is a little naive (and maybe even ignorant?) for ever saying that.

Honestly, I don’t know if I’m depressed or not but then again, I don’t know what depression feels like. I’ve heard it being explained like your mind is unwell, similar to how your body can be unwell. I know what burnout feels like and that’s not what I’m feeling. I’m not stressed out but I feel anxious. Like I should be worried about something but what that something is, I don’t know.

So, current status of HijabEng: She Doesn’t Know.

In other news, that thing that I had to quickly scramble to do is coming along nicely and my supervisor agrees with everything I said. It’s so weird sometimes, these hot and cold reactions, all under a very polite veneer.

HijabEng’s advice: Beware of Polite People.

I have 80 million things to do and I want to do them but I just don’t have the will to. Eh. Whatevs.

The end.


1 Comment »

  1. […] the following and I really felt like this was posted just for me, especially after that difficult Melancholyyyy post I had just put up: There is nothing more potent in removing depression, grief, and sadness then […]

    Pingback by Post-Emo Update: The Dementors « hijabeng — August 23, 2011 @ 1:22 pm | Reply

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