hijabeng

October 20, 2011

Women Don’t Talk Right.

So yeah, check this http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2011/10/four_ways_women_stunt_their_careers.html. I could do an analysis but why should I, when this blog did it already? I have to say, I absolutely AGREE. With the whole women holding themselves back business. Speak up. Promote yourself. Get your biznis noticed. I mean, come on. Nobody else cares about you.

Women being too modest. Hmmm, what would a Muslim chick know about that, anways? Somehow, it all comes back to beliefs. Yes, I believe modesty is important and all that jazz but an even more fundamental tenet of Islam is fulfilling rights. And sometimes, I need to hold other people accountable to make sure they fulfill the rights I have on them. Why should I be so caught up running around making sure things are all dandy for them and not me? Because I’m so nurturingly awesome? Cry me a RIVUH.

The other super thing about being hijabi, in ENGINEERING (God, the lack of women sometimes) is that I can’t blend in. No matter what. Even on the way out, “Oh HijabEng, do you need to use the men’s room?” “Nah, I’m good.” “OMG I’M SO SORRY. I MEANT THE LADIES ROOM. I MEANT THE BATHROOM. I’M SO SORRY.” “WHAAA??? Oooooooooohhhh, HAHA, you said men’s room. No, I’m ok. I don’t need to use ‘the facilities.'”

I did recently have to “speak up” at work and let me tell you, I was TERRIFIED. I almost cried. It was hard, relating what I needed and what wasn’t working for me. But I put on my big girl panties and I’m happy I did it. Things are different now and they would never have been changed if I hadn’t said anything. We all just would have been frustratedconfusedface at each other, and who really needs that? Especially after I finally weighed in after 3 weeks and found out that I gained half a pound and am now 160.X and that is just @#$&%&%^%?????

Peace out.

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September 26, 2011

Purple Fatty McButterpants

Filed under: Clothes,Fatty McButterpants,rambling,Weigh In — hijabeng @ 5:16 pm

Hey yo, happy Monday. Yeah, I know, eyeroll. What, you also had the Sunday night insomnia? Gosh, we’re such twins.

Sooooo I weighed in on Saturday. Gained another pound to add to the 0.8 I gained the week before. I’m officially 159.8 and THIS IS NOT OK. I was at 151.4, what the deal? Grrrrr. It might have something to do with the fact that I consume 50 points a day, as opposed to the 29+7 that I’m allowed. Sigh. Food.

Just to compound the feelings of The Fat, I put on a suit today because I needed to look like a grownup. A suit I had no business buying but optimistically purchased five pounds ago. And my, how those five pounds have enhanced my food baby, which now proudly juts over the pants. Also, this lovely new suit, which is olive, by the way, has totally reinforced my earlier opinion that lined pants are the devil. Cuz your body needs to BREATHE. My lower body is feeling suffocated. I could just imagine my legs gasping for air. Why, oh why are you suffocating us, they plead.

But the olive suit is too beautiful and I checked with my closet for compatibility before deciding to keep it. Today, I’m wearing it with a beautiful purple sheath dress for Target and a purple hijab. And purple heels =). Perhaps I’m a little too matchy today but sometimes, you need a pair of heels  you haven’t worn in a year to get you through the Monday. And realize that, dang, you haven’t worn 3″ heels while commuting in a whiiiiile. Such is life, shrug.

I’m considering a clothing experiment. Pick one item and wear it once a week indefinitely. The item I’m considering is a blue sheath dress that I always want to wear but think that I can’t recycle to often. But it’s a navy blue sheath, that’s pretty neutral, right? Especially with the bajillion shirts I plan on wearing it with. Ok, you convinced me, I’m gonna do this. Maybe it’ll be like Navy Thursdays or something. Or Navy Wednesday, for alliteration’s sake. Decisions, decisions.

September 16, 2011

Quick WW Update

Filed under: Weigh In — hijabeng @ 8:07 am
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Dudes, how did I forget to tell you about this week? I went up 0.8 lbs!!!!!!!!!!! Soooooo TERRIBLE.

Reasons for my total inability to lose weight:

  1. Not tracking. Because I’m a goose-head, no insult to goooses intended. Ummm, geese. Anyway, start tracking!!!!!
  2. Lattes. Frappes. Desserts. I allowed myself these goodies during Ramadan for the quick pick-me-up and apparently, I continue to think they’re ok. They’re NOT. And my stomach gets really angry with milk – blessing of Ramadan: after eliminating most food for a month, slowly reintroducing stuff forces you to realize what food sensitivies you have. Joy. Stop eating the sweeties, fattie.
  3. Confused by body signals. Sometimes I think I’m hungry so I’ll eat but I’m really not hungry. Sometimes, I’m just thirsty. Or I have a bad taste in my mouth. I got so used to denying all hunger pangs that now, I’m confused by them since I can eat throughout the day. If I remember being hungry, I eat. Terrible.

So, I need to work at this whole WW thing because I’m paying $39/month for the privilege of regaining weight I’ve released. Uh, no, not acceptable. That’s $468/year!!!! Gotta do better, cuz I’m just being ridic here.

September 6, 2011

The Worst Part of the Workday: Choosing What to Wear to Work

Filed under: Clothes,Hijabi Issues,rambling,Weigh In — hijabeng @ 6:10 pm
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Salam y’all, hope you all enjoyed your holiday weekends (well, in the US at least). I had a fabulous time cooking, eating, sleeping, and spending wayyyyy too much time online and on Netflix. I suppose I could have blogged but I didn’t. Whoops. C’est la vie ;).

Anyways, I hope you’re ready to read a looonnng post, because I’m in a rambling kinda mood (when am I not?) and I have the Adele station on Pandora going and life is good and I’m finally awake, which always occurs after 1pm. I would be a much more productive employee if I could start after noon. Whatevs. Also, I like how I can never stick to the title of my post. I guess my blog is more potluck than anything? Philosophizing, food, dating (which I promised, just trying to gather the mental strength to write about that aspect of my life) and now fashion. Really, my dear readers, this blog is so ME. If you were to read all of what I wrote, you would understand me better than most of my friends do.

From my blogroll, I think it’s no secret that I LOOOOOOOVVVVE, love love love fashion blogs. And clothes. And shoes. And just pretty things in general (note to self: find a cupcake blog to obsess over). Also, I love purses (note to self: add purse blog that you like). While it may seem superficial, clothes are extremely important. Clothes are *the* primary method of how you present yourself without saying a word. Someone looking at you judges you based on what you wear, whether you like it or hate it. Of course, posture, body shape and size and other features are all there but I’m most addressing the things *you* choose. And for a Muslim woman trying to dress modestly – clothes are a double/triply/infinity edged sword, if that makes any sense. And as an engineer, I need to look beyond the aesthetics of clothing, the function is sometimes more important than how awesome it looks (or not).

So every morning, I wake up and argue with myself: do I want to look cute? Do I look modest? Do I have to go to the field? Are my clothes professional enough for the office? Can I be seen after work dressing like this? Am I going to the mosque during lunch or after work? Whoa, that’s at least 6 edges right there. And that’s before I even start thinking about makeup. It sure ain’t easy, trying to satisfy personal, religious, professional and practical aspects of dressing simultaneously. I was going to address these all in one post but I think I’ll save that for another post.

And just for funsies, I lost 0.4 lbs this week! Secrets: eating ice cream every day, eat cookies and constantly snack throughout the day without having any real meals. I’m sure this is going to backfire for me eventually but adjusting to eating all day is TOUGH!!!!

So not as long a post as I had intended but I’m a little tired of writing. Also, I just wanted to share that as much as I didn’t want to roll out of bed after the holiday weekend, my socks match my dress and every time I look at my feet, it makes me smile =).

August 28, 2011

Earthquake, hurricane and the house falling apart

I think the title says it all, don’t you think? I took a bucket shower today, or bath, rather, cuz I was just too tired of frigid showers. But the house is safe from the hurricane (it’s falling apart for other reasons), we’re all safe, earthquake was no big deal for us and Ramadan is almost over. I’ll get back to the last night of Lailatil Qadr and add that I’m up 1.4 lbs. Ugh.

Hope that you and yours are safe. Peace.

August 23, 2011

Post-Emo Update: The Dementors

Salaam y’all,

So after I was all whiney last Thursday, a couple of things happened to me that made me feel really loved, like a hug from Allah and life and the universe and everything (man, how sappy can I get?). First, on my commute home while I was transferring trains (I can easily take ~4 trains each way during my commute, UGH), I got onto an unusually crowded train. Every seat was taken and lots of people were standing. As soon as I stepped into the train, this young man in his 20’s stood up and offered me his seat, saying, “Here sister, please sit down.” My heart just melted and it was SO SWEET. And he was SO CUTE. And Arab. And Muslim. And taller than me. And well-dressed. By the end of the train ride, we were almost married in my head. Hopefully, I can run into him again one day and he’ll properly and formally propose to me. Hey, you never know.

During my extravagant commute, my smartphone keeps me company and I usually check out facebook and other ridiculous websites to pass the time if I don’t feel like napping (I usually nap). So while I was reading up on other status updates, someone had posted the following and I really felt like this was posted just for me, especially after that difficult Melancholyyyy post I had just put up:

There is nothing more potent in removing depression, grief, and sadness then recitation of Quran! As Ibn Qayyim said, “Letting one’s heart wander in the gardens of the Quran seeking consolation in it from every calamity and seeking healing from it for every disease of the heart, so that it will bring comfort to his grief, and healing for his worries and distress” via ICNA.*

Like, how crazy is that? It spoke directly to what I was feeling. That was more than a little scary. If I were a more emotional kinda gal, I would have cried. So I went home, assembled some sort of iftar and after I prayed maghrib**, I read the Qur’an. And it felt good. I read about heaven and hell and all sorts of stories and it was really therapeutic. I definitely need more religion in my life. And I pray for the people who put that status up there and inshAllah, they will get the reward for the good deeds I performed directly as a result of that status.

I may have mentioned it before but if I haven’t, I live with my parents and most of my siblings. My parents are currently traveling so it’s just been us gremlins (granted, we’re all 20+) fending for ourselves during Ramadan. Really, it’s pathetic how much advantage we take of our parents. Anyway, we’ve had a hard time calling each other so when I got a phone call at 3:30 am from my mom that night, I was so happy while I groggily spoke to her on the phone. So much happiness all in one day – AND I had iftar with both my siblings AT THE SAME TIME that evening so now y’all know why I’m all so happypants.

Also, this weekend I weighed in and I lost 1 lb! HURRAY!!!! So now I’m 156ish. Hey body, let’s try to get to 150 in a month, mmkay? Even though I’ve been having dessert every day? Ok? I’m fasting, dessert is cool. Now work with me here body!!!!

I also cooked up a storm this weekend and will eventually post the new recipes I tried out and my reviews of them. So be looking forward to that.

TMI/GROSS alert: I am also the luckiest friggin’ girl EVERRRR because yesterday, right after I took my white pants off, the dementors struck. Seriously. I refer to my period as the dementors because of an MLIA post (that I need to look up) that said something to the effect of, “Periods are like dementors because they cause you to be weak and faint and chocolate helps being affected by both” in much cooler language. If I had waited one second, those white pants would have been RUINED. FOREVER. So awesome.

So I’m a bit more optimistic but while I was reading comments on a thread on Corporette the other day, I’m beginning to think that maybe I have adult ADHD. So perhaps I’ll bring it up to my doctor and figure out how to get screened for that because the way I’m currently operating is not to my satisfaction. As you can tell from my blog posts, much rambling ensues. I need to figure what’s functionally broken with me and fix it, cuz I’m an engineer and that’s how I roll. My doctor’s been harassing me anyway since she wants me to follow up on me being really sick before so at least I don’t have to make an extra appointment. Score.

Aight, back to work and I need to figure out how  to sneak in some lunch without people finding out I’m not fasting. Wish me luck y’all. Peace.

*I really hope these people don’t find this blog, because then they’ll know it’s me and I don’t know if I can deal with that. This blog contains my secret thoughts, like a diary, if you will. I’m totally ok with strangers knowing this stuff but acquaintances….yikes. Listen up peoples, if you figure out who I am, don’t tell me. DO NOT. And don’t tell people you know who I am. But please feel free to share the blog. Actually, DO share the blog with your acquaintances.

**I should really make a dictionary page for the benefit of those people who have no clue what I’m talking about. Ok, next blog project, Dictionary.

August 14, 2011

Ramadan Weight Gain!!!!

Filed under: family,Weekend Update,Weigh In — hijabeng @ 11:38 pm
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Yes, folks, you read that right, I GAINED weight while fasting ::FACEPALM::. In trying to spend more time  with my parents, I join them for iftar at the masjid, where we’re stuffed with biryani, pakoras and other desi goodies. Doing this for a week made my body very angry.

I go for my weekly weigh-ins on Saturday mornings. So I went and the lady said,”wow”. I’m expecting to hear how I lost so much, especially since I hadn’t gone for two weeks (bad, I know but I had legitimate excuses). Instead, I discover that I went up 4 lbs. FOUR!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE DEAL, YO!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Now I have solid proof that rice and my body don’t get along, as if my prior weight loss stemming from decreasing my rice intake didn’t prove it already. Le sigh. So now I’m 157.4. Gah. When will I ever make it to 150?????

So, I came home and made myself a leafy salad with red lettuce, olive oil, salt and balsamic vinegar. Yum. Bought two heads of lettuce to make sure I get fresh greens and olive oil every day – the importance of healthy fats was stressed at the meeting. Here’s to a better week InshAllah!

July 25, 2011

Well, This Weekend Sure Was A Doozy

Salam all,

I think I’m going to be one of those apologetic bloggers, cringing from the dismay of my imaginary readers. Eh, whatevs, yo. But I sorry for not posting.

You see, my weekend started Wed afternoon when I called my doctor cuz I felt like $hit. Without telling you the cry-me-a-river story of why I felt so terrible, my doc became alarmed and told me to shuttle my @$$ to her office. Moral of the story, don’t wait until you feel like dying and your boss asks you why you’re behind on your workload to call your doc.

So I call in sick and visit the doc on Thursday. She sees me within 5 min of me walking in, which is absolutely unheard of in her office, which has a minimum wait time of an hour, no matter what time you show up. She attends to me personally, instead of her seemingly endless supply of assistants. For the first time in the three years that I’ve had this doc, it’s the first time I brought my mom and I realized that my doc knows me better than I realized while they were chitchatting. Who knew that doctors paid attention to their patients’ personalities? I always thought she thought I was neurotic, as I’d always show up to her office once a year with a written list of complaints. I’m precious, I know.

Eventually, the doc poked and prodded me with a bajillion needles and performed an EKG, too. Ha, I was for real sick, who knew? I thought I could power through it on my own. Cuz I’m precious, remember? Well, whatever hocus pocus the doc did worked, as I feel much much better now.

So the doc said don’t go to work and just REST. So I RESTED. The rest of Thursday and alllllll day Friday. I got bored of resting by Friday so I thought to myself, “Hey fool, you have some monopoly money, go get that bra-fitting that you’ve always wanted. You can also use the opportunity to break up with ur boyfriend. Go for it!” And so I did. I bought three fabulous new bras and broke up with my boyfriend in a mall parking lot. So classy, I know. Don’t most chicks who buy lingerie intend to, oh, I don’t know, KEEP their boyfriends? Meh, I do what I gotta and I’ll post the details later.

Saturday, my baby bro drags me out of bed because I have to help him buy a shirt and tie for a wedding he’s attending that afternoon. That he knew about for months. Months. Brothers. He made me breakfast: a cup of milk, how cute and we ran to the store and found something eventually at Macy’s. Sweet. I had 12 expired Macy’s coupons in my wallet. TWELVE. Who does that? No wonder I carry three wallets and they’re all so heavy. Anyways, while I was panicking that I was going to have pay full price ::shudder:: for something at Macy’s, I remembered that I was carrying a Macy’s catalogue in my purse and it had a 20% off coupon. Score. Big neurotic sister to the rescue.

Afterwards, I spent a long @$$ time trying to find a wedding card without the word “love” in it, which is somehow next to impossible, I mean what the hell Hallmark, how hard is it to put a picture of a wedding cake on a card and say “CONGRATUMULATIONS AND STUFF!!!!!!”? Jeebs people, get over yourselves. Somehow, said simple card had a ribbon. Meh. Then, I went to Weight Watchers to weigh in and was pleased to find out that I lost all the bloat/water weight I had gained the previous week. That’s 4lbs of bloat! Sweeeeeeeet.

To help keep that bloat moving on right along, I decided to weed the garden. And let me tell you, crabgrass is the BANE OF MY GARDENING EXISTENCE.  That tenacious weed can put me off gardening forever, for serious. Pulling them $hits out of the ground almost made me dizzy all over again but I refused to let those @$$hole weeds get the better of my IV-nourished body. And I prevailed, muahhahahahahahahaha. As a just reward, I watched three episodes of Drop Dead Diva, one of the best brain candy shows ever. Yep, ever.

I don’t know why but I’ve developed this weird Sunday-night-insomnia. Darnedest thing ever. The night before the workweek starts, I cannot fall asleep for the ever-living reason of I-don’t-know-why. It’s so frustrating, because if I get a good night’s sleep on Sunday night, I can pull all-nighters if I want to the rest of the week and I’m just fine. But oh wells. Since this has been going on for a few weeks (maybe months? I don’t remember), I figured that I may as well be productive while I’m not sleeping. So I spent my entire Sunday doing bushels of laundry and folding it all. And I HATE laundry, with a passion. Yes, I will be a poor housewife. Boohoo. In between all that hateful laundry, I attended a housewarming party and chatted with random strangers online, which is always fun. Stayed up until 2 am folding clothes (after I woke up at 7:30 am on a Sunday morning like a weirdo) and when I finally went to bed, I couldn’t fall asleep until 4 am. Lovely, I know, especially since I have to roll outta bed by 6:30 am. So that whole tire-yourself-out-before-you-go-to-bed thing absolutely doesn’t work for me. Shrug. At least my laundry’s done.

So all of those things are why I didn’t post. And I forgot to do homework for a language class I’m taking because of a Groupon I bought. Sigh, I absolutely bring these things on myself. Aright aright, I’ll get back to work and eventually do the homework, sheesh peoples. Later.

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