hijabeng

October 6, 2011

What is it with Women and Weddings?

The object of my scorn? The movie Bride Wars, starring Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson. Nice, over-the-top, cheesy chick flick about competitive bffs who stay as bffs. Cry me a river.

The premise of the movie is that these two best friends have this shared childhood dream of having a June wedding at the Plaza Hotel. As luck would have it, they both get engaged and are accidentally booked to get married at the Plaza in June on the same day. The HORROR. And neither will change their date. So hilarious and vicious pranks ensue. Are most women really that obsessed with their wedding day? Like, you have a dream and YOU MUST FULFILL IT or your whole marriage will collapse if you don’t have the exact shade of lavender plum or whatever bouquet? Is lavender plum even a color? Seriously, WHO CARES? Am I seriously lacking as a person, as a woman, to NOT GIVE A HOOT?

Oddly enough, I was watching this movie with my bff and we laughed and snarked throughout the entire movie but at the end of it, I just had to ask if she has a “dream wedding”. She snorted and said she’d sign the papers and bounce and invited me to be one of her witnesses. That response explains why she’s my bff. I don’t think I’ve ever envisioned my “big day”. I’ve always had trouble thinking about what I’d look like as a bride, what my groom would look like and how the EVENT would happen, so my ideal would just to have everyone over at the mosque and hand out some pizza and call it a day. I do admit to wanting to wear a red sari on my wedding day, which I don’t even have to worry about because my parents have already purchased a red wedding sari for me in the PERFECT RED and some wedding jewelry and people keep giving me red clothes, hoping it’ll impart some GET MARRIED NOW germs on me. Shrug. Me and bff agreed to have a double wedding at a mosque, it’d be so easy, FREE, and plus, it only takes like 5 min for each of us to get married. Maybe we’ll give out cupcakes.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get married but I have to say, the thought of the wedding really stresses me out. To have a gender-separated or mixed wedding, invite coworkers or not, to play music or not (as conservative Muslims consider music to be not permissible due to content and distracting Muslims from the remembrance of God), how to keep my hair covered while wearing head jewelry, how much of my neck and arms am I okay with exposing to display my jewelry, do I wear and turtleneck and boil to death on my wedding day, my parents’ 80 gazillion friends that MUST come as I am the Eldest Child, etc, etc, etc. In my head, I’m all EFF THAT (pardon my French), let’s  just have a mosque wedding, keep it simple, issue an open invitation to everyone, Muslim or not, and whoever cares will show up. The End. Mosques are already gender separated, there’s plenty of room and I can score food on the cheap. It’ll suck for my male coworkers (which is like 90% of my coworkers) and friends but OH WELLS. C’est la vie and tough noogies.

As this is a total non-issue due to my perpetual single status, I’m off the hook. For now. But this is something that needs to be discussed with the guy and if he can stand firm with his family, that’ll be awesome. My sister is pushing for me to get married in a castle, eyeroll, and my parents are under the impression that I’m saving all of my money for my magnificient wedding day, double eyeroll. However, I understand that there is now also a new breed of men known as groomzillas, and Lord help me if that’s who I wind up with.

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